Shepherd Geeks
by smileplease91
Summary: A parody of SpongeBob SquarePants' "Band Geeks", an idea conceived by me and pokemonrhoades. Enjoy!


_*Okay, so this is something collaborated by me and pokemonrhoades. Remember that SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Band Geeks"? Yeah, it's getting a makeover, Ylissean style! I wanted to put this on A Day in the Life, but it's too long. Enjoy the craziness!*_

Frederick stood before all the Shepherds, his hands behind his back as he contemplated on how exactly to approach the situation. Virion had challenged him to play in front of the Valmese aristocrats, betting him that he would not be able to reshape the Shepherds into a musically talented group. There were two exceptions- himself and Cordelia- but other than that, no one could play. He had sent out fliers begging for people to come with promises of free food, fame, and fun. When he opened the flaps to the mess hall, he was surprised to see all the Shepherds there. With as much pride as he could manage, he made his way in front of them and stood on a riser, clearing his throat to get their attention.

"I assume you have read the fliers," he began.

"Woo! We're gonna play in front of aristo-"

"Yes, well," Frederick continued, cutting off a rather excited Ricken, "we have much work to do. Do any of you have experience with instruments?"

Tharja gave him one of her devious grins. "Do instruments of torture count?"

Frederick's face was expressively shocked. "No."

Vaike raised his hand. "Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

At this, Frederick's face fell. "No, Vaike, mayonnaise is not an instrument." Vaike raised his hand again. "Horse radish is not an instrument, either." Vaike abruptly lowered his hand. "That's fine, no one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you!" He started laughing, but when he noticed no one else was, he coughed awkwardly and stopped, the tent filling with a discomfited silence.

"When do we get the free food?" Stahl piped up, sounding somewhat impatient.

Frederick sighed. "We'll get to that." He picked up a flute. "Okay, repeat after me." He blew into the flute do-re-me-fa-so. "Brass section, go." To his surprise, Chrom, Robin, Sully, Gaius, and Nowi played perfectly. "Good! Now the wind!" Again, he was surprised when Say'ri, Donnel, Lon'qu, and Ricken repeated the notes. "And the drums!" For whatever unbeknownst reason, instead of using their drumsticks on the drums, Vaike, Kellam, and Owain stuck them in their mouths and tried to play them that way, which only ended up being spit out at Frederick at such a force, he was knocked off his feet. Frederick lay there, staring up at the tent top. "Too bad that didn't kill me." He rose to his feet and brushed the dust and dirt from his clothes. "All right, let's try something new. Everyone get into formation, and we'll practice our kicking."

"Kicking?!" Vaike exclaimed, now enthralled. "I wanna do some kicking! Hiya!" He kicked Severa in the back of her knee, eliciting a cry from her. She wheeled around and glared at Vaike.

"Why you-"

No one could stop the brawl that ensued, and in the midst of if, they heard Vaike make a pained cry. When Severa was finally pried free from Vaike, his head had been stuck through a drum. Frederick stood there, speechless.

_**Day Two**_

They were all out in the training yard of the camp in marching band formation, going around with Frederick directing them. Henry and Kellam were the flag twirlers, and to Frederick, they were not twirling fast enough.

"Flag twirlers, come on! I wanna see some twirling!" Henry and Kellam went faster, but still not to his expectations. "Flag twirlers, move! Come on! MOVE!"

Henry and Kellam twirled so fast that they were lifted off the ground, propelled to in the air, then crashed hard onto the ground. Everyone stopped marching, their eyes on the two; Donnel put his trumpet to his lips and sounded off the TAPS while the rest bowed their heads in respect.

"Stop that!" Frederick fussed.

_**Day Three**_

Frederick saw Nowi at her bagpipe, trying to take in as much breath as she could. He made his way over to her, curious about her progress.

"How's that bagpipe solo coming along, Nowi?" he asked.

"Oh! It's gonna be so good! Watch!" she beamed. She took in a long breath and began to blow. Only a peep came out. She took another breath and tried again, only for a smaller peep to exit, but she kept trying for so long, all breath was gone, and she fell off her chair and onto the floor.

_**Day Four**_

"Well, it's the final day of practice," Frederick spoke as he stood before everyone. "And I know some of you haven't… improved… since we began." Everyone glanced over to Vaike, who was chewing on his drumstick. Frederick shook his head. "But, I have a new theory! People talk louder when they want to be heard, right?"

"TOTALLY!" Nowi shouted, jumping up in her seat.

"So maybe if we play loudly, we'll sound better!" Frederick hoped. "Everybody ready?" They raised their instruments, eager looks on their faces. "One, two, three-" The next thing he knew, he was being thrown into the unused instruments, almost completely deafened by everyone playing so loudly at once. He sat up, an astounded look on his face as he shook his head, his hearing gradually coming back. "Okay, new theory. Let's play so quietly, no one can hear us."

Robin stood up, visibly irritated. "Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big, meaty hands!" As he said this, he gave Stahl a shove. Stahl turned around, his eyes narrowed at Robin.

"What did you say, punk?"

"Big. Meaty. Hands!"

Stahl formed his hands into fists. "Well, these hands can do more than please my wife!"

"Oh dear gods," Olivia groaned, embarrassed.

"Bring it on, Stahl!" Robin lashed.

Ricken moved in between the two, pushing them apart. "No, people," he spoke monotonously, "let's be smart and bring it off."

"Oh-ho, so now the talking midget is gonna preach to us!" Maribelle snarled.

With each passing second, the threat of a fight breaking out was growing. Frederick knew he had to do something, fast, or this would all end in even more of a disaster.

"Wait, wait!" he called out to them, but due to them yelling at each other, he was unheard. "I know tensions are high, but-"

He was unable to finish when the fight started. Thank the gods everyone had left their weapons in their tents- or so he thought. Instead, the weapons at hand were the musical instruments he had to scrounge around to get. Lissa was using cymbals to bash Gaius over the head with, and when Vaike ran up and randomly kicked Severa's knee, she grabbed another drum; Vaike made a shrill cry as he darted off, Severa closely trailing behind. Then, a bell was heard, and all fighting stopped.

"Oh, hey! Food!" Stahl smiled.

"So hungry!" Inigo moaned as he stood up. Everyone helped each other back on their feet and started toward the tent exit, only to be greeted by a desolate Frederick.

"Well, you did it," he sadly spoke. "You took my one chance at happiness and crushed it. Crushed it into tiny, bite-sized pieces!" They were taken aback to see tears in his eyes. "I really expected better of you, but I suppose I am a loser for that too." He turned his back to them, and they heard him sniffle. "Don't bother showing up to Valm tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all… died in a battle or something. So, thanks… thanks for nothing."

With that, he walked away, leaving them standing there.

"You're welcome," Vaike said, not understanding.

Ricken shook his head. "What kind of monsters are we? That poor man came to us in his hour of need, and we failed him." He turned around and faced everyone. "Cherche, when you were stuck in the tree as a child, who brought you down?"

"A lumberjack," Cherche replied.

Ricken then pointed to Henry. "And Henry! When your heart gave out when you accidentally shocked yourself with Arcthunder in that village, who revived you?"

Henry shrugged. "Some Priest, I dunno."

"Right!" Ricken beamed. "So, if we could all pretend Frederick was a lumberjack or some priest, then maybe we could pull together for him and discover what it truly means to be in a marching band."

Owain threw up a fist-pump. "Yeah, for the fun of it!"

Ricken nodded and grabbed his instrument as everyone else grabbed theirs. "Now, let's make Freddybear proud! One, two, a skilly-dilly-doo!"

_**Day Five**_

Shoulders slumped in defeat, Frederick neared the Valm Embassy by himself. All his hard work, gone to waste. How could he ever face Virion later? He raised his head, peering into the Embassy with tired eyes.

"Well, here it is. I just hope that-" he felt someone peck his shoulder, and when he turned- "Virion doesn't find out! Virion! Ah!" He realized he was freaking out, already giving Virion the answer. Hoping it wasn't too late, he caught himself. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

Virion haughtily laughed. "My good sir, I am from this country, after all! Not to mention I would not miss an opportunity like this to watch you admit defeat." He glanced behind Frederick then redirected his eyes to him. "So, where is everyone?"

"They couldn't come. They, uh… died," Frederick horribly lied.

"Died, hmm? I am certain that everyone was alive and well this morning. Also, who is that?"

Frederick noticed that Virion was pointing over his shoulder, and when he turned around, he let out a yell, horrified to see the Shepherds there. "That would be my band!"

Virion laughed yet again when he saw the over-excited face of Ricken's. "Well, Freddy, this is exactly how I pictured everyone would look."

Frederick's face tinged in fear at Ricken's face. "That… he's just really eager."

They all started into the Embassy, the Shepherds with pride on their faces as Virion smugly ridiculed them from behind. Inside the Embassy, they were led into a massive room in front of aristocrats. Frederick loosened his tie, feeling as though he was about to choke. Why had they shown up? He told them not to!

"…Let's just… get this over with," he grumbled, grabbing a conducting baton.

"That's the spirit, Frederick!" Ricken grinned.

Drenched in sweat, his shaky hands rose. "One, two, th-three, f-four!"

He heard- no, he was dreaming. Yes, dreaming. There was no way that was his band playing such wonderful music. The trumpets sounded, and he nearly dropped his conducting baton in sheer shock. Nowi then played notes on a piano of a song he was unfamiliar with- wait a second, where did they get a piano? The ones playing the trumpets split to allow Ricken passage, and when Frederick glanced up at the aristocrats, he could see they were just as confused as he was. Was this real? Ricken took in a deep breath, and Frederick just knew it was over. Then-

"_The winner takes all. It's the thrill of one more kill. The last one to fall will never sacrifice their will!"_ Several things happened at once. Virion stopped breathing, Frederick did drop his baton, and Tharja used some sort of ingredient to cause a harmless explosion of different colors while Sumia and Cynthia flew above, throwing flower petals all around. As Ricken sang, music powered to the tune that was both epic and strange, and Frederick grinned widely as he threw his fists in the air in triumph. His baton didn't matter, and he found himself dancing alongside Olivia. Drums, harps- every instrument you could think of was heard, and he was never as proud as he was at this moment. _"Don't ever look back on the world closing in! They only attack with their wings in the wind! Oh the games will begin!"_ Frederick glanced back up to the aristocrats to see that they were enthralled with the song. _"And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory! And it's ours for the taking- it's ours for the fight!"_ That was it. Virion fainted, knowing his defeat. Some noblemen carried him away, and Frederick waved farewell, his heart racing. _"And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory! And the world is ours to follow!" _Frederick spun around and performed a perfect split, startling and amazing everyone. The aristocrats applauded and cheered. _"And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory~"_

_*Haha, hope you all enjoyed that! Yeah, I used the song- it's a parody, after all. Much thanks to pokemonrhoades for the idea and help!*_


End file.
